Goals

Although I’ve always had goals in life, I was never much of a “goal-setter” until about a year ago. Instead of just thinking about my goals, I intentionally set them now, look at them often, and take the steps I need to reach them. I have goals listed in the Notes section of my phone, and I also have a small vision board in my room with pictures and words on it that depict my goals. Seeing them daily is a constant reminder for me to stay on track. When goals remain in our thoughts only and lack a plan of action, they are easily forgotten about and are most likely never reached.

And since 2011 is half-way over, now is a good time for me to reflect back on the goals I made six months ago to see where I stand and how much progress I’ve made. I also need to update my list and set new goals, if necessary.

Other than a few small “bucket list” goals, these are the main goals I set for myself this year:

1. Take more risks. I definitely could’ve been more specific with this one, but I do think I’ve taken more risks than I used to, so it works for me. Update: Take even more risks!
2. Get back in shape and maintain it. This is a work in progress, but I’ve come a long way and plan to keep it up indefinitely. Update: Eat healthier, drink more water (without drink packs), and continue workouts.
3. Find a permanent job. Done...finally! =) Update: Be more effective in my job than I’ve ever been before.
4. De-clutter and simplify everything. I’m getting there, little by little.
5. Buy a house! I’ve started “browsing” and can’t wait to buy my own home!

Overall, I think I’ve done pretty well staying on track so far. I’ve also updated and extended some of my goals and still have more work to do. It's important to set new goals once old ones have been met. Start small if you need to, but don't be afraid to challenge yourself.

Unfortunately, we can’t just wave a wand and magically reach our goals. It takes thoughtful and intentional effort to be successful in achieving them. So, what are your goals and what are you doing to reach them? Remember, they must be set, tracked, and worked towards on a regular basis.

1. Write them down and put them in a place where you will see them often.
2. Consider all the steps that need to be taken and the resources you may need to reach them.
3. Tell someone your goals. This way, you will hold yourself more accountable for them.
4. Take action.
5. Track your progress regularly.

And don't let discouragement get in your way. Maybe you've set some goals in the past but didn't reach them for whatever reason... that's okay. Failing in the past has nothing to do with your potential today. Now is the time to re-set your goals. Don't wait until next Monday to "start fresh" on them either. Start now. Stop waiting, and start doing!

   

-BC

“Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success.”
- Vincent van Gogh

Accountability

Yesterday, I attended a workshop that focused primarily on the accountability of school counselors. Basically, we have to prove how effective we are, which involves reflecting on and evaluating ourselves often. I can’t even tell you how many times accountability has been discussed in classes, workshops and at conferences in the past, but for some reason I saw it from a totally different perspective yesterday.

If it is so important to have accountability in our professions (which it is for me, or else I could lose my job), shouldn’t it be just as important, if not more, to have accountability in our personal lives, too? In my opinion, our roles in personal relationships are far more important than any professional role will ever be. Yes, I’m a school counselor, but I’m also a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister, a friend, etc. So, I need to look at how I can integrate accountability into all of these roles, as well.


Am I being the best daughter that I can be? How can I be a better one? What are my goals as a daughter and what steps am I taking to meet these goals? Are they effective?

Am I being the best friend that I can be? What can I do to be a better friend?

…sister?

You get my point.

Something else we must be accountable for is taking care of ourselves. I'll call it the "caretaker of self" role. Sometimes, this is the role we most often neglect because we're so focused on our effectiveness in other roles; forgetting all about self-care. In reality, I cannot possibly be World's Best daughter, friend, or sister if I'm not taking care of ME, as well. (FYI: It is not selfish to take care of yourself!)

Am I taking care of myself the best I possibly can? How can I start treating myself better right now (mentally, physically, and emotionally)?

Evaluate your effectiveness in each of your roles. Answer these questions honestly. Are there some things you need to start holding yourself more accountable for? Are there some roles you need to improve in? Are you spending way too much time in your "parent" role, and not enough time in your "caretaker of self" role, or vice-versa? If so, make a conscious effort to find some balance. Take time to reflect on these things often. Set some goals and then take the steps needed to improve your effectiveness...

Hold yourself accountable!

BC

What Does A Bike Ride And Life Have In Common?

While riding my bike today, it occurred to me that riding a bike is kind of like life…

Just as I had to pedal harder when riding against the wind, we will have to put forth more effort and try harder when we are faced with resistance...

Just as I came across several bumps and potholes along the way, we will have many hurdles to cross over throughout our journey...

Just as I was “pushed” off the road several times by passing cars and was forced to ride through the rough grass (because there are no sidewalks in my subdivision), we will be knocked off of the smooth and familiar path from time to time and have to withstand the bumpy ride...

And just as I was chased down the road by a barking dog (I guess it didn’t like me singing), we will often times have to deal with mean, rude, and difficult people in life.

When I got on that bike several months ago for the first time in years, I struggled. I remember my legs burning as I pedaled, but over time my legs got stronger and it got easier. But even still, there are some days that are windier than others, making it harder to pedal. There are even days when, out of nowhere, I’m being chased by a barking dog. And like the challenges that can arise during a bike ride, the challenges we face in life may be painful and discouraging... but as long as we continue to push through the struggles, the resistance, and the road blocks, we will continue to grow stronger!

BC

"I Sent You 2 Boats, You Big Dummy!"

I watched The Pursuit of Happyness today for the first time. It’s such a great story and definitely a tear-jerker! One of the cutest parts in the movie is when the little boy tells his dad the story about the man who was drowning... A boat came to rescue the man but he said, “No, thank you. God will save me.” Then another boat came to help him, and the man refused again, “No, thank you. God will save me.” Then he drowned and went to heaven. He asked God, “Why didn’t you save me?” And God said, “I sent you two boats, you big dummy!”

I actually just recently read a similar version of that story, so I thought it was funny to hear it again in the movie. When we sit around waiting for things to happen for us, but refuse to put in any effort on our part (just like the man who was drowning), we miss out on the opportunities we’ve been waiting for. Stop wishing to be “rescued” or “saved” from something…whether it’s unemployment or being unhappy with your job, addiction, weight issues, or any other problem that you have some control over, stop waiting and start doing something about it!

There are some people who depend on fate and destiny way too much. They have the mentality that “if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.” Ummm, reality check- it doesn’t always work that way! The problem with this little cliché is that it is incomplete. It’s missing a very important part. This is how I think the phrase should read instead: “if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen because I will do everything I possibly can to make it happen!” Fate and destiny will not do their part in our lives until we do our own part first. Take responsibility for your life and your future. If the opportunity you’ve been waiting for is nowhere in sight, get out there and go find it!

On the other hand, we might see the opportunities that are right in front of us, but choose not to take them... I almost missed out on a great opportunity last year because, like the man in the story, I had blinders on and was too focused on getting that one great, picture-perfect opportunity. I was offered a temporary position at a freshman high school. For one, I wanted something permanent, not temporary. Secondly, I really didn’t care to work with 9^th graders. In my mind, I had always pictured graduating and finding the perfect job immediately. A temporary position wasn’t the route I wanted to take, but I knew I had to do something. Fortunately, I came to my senses and realized that I couldn’t wait around for that “perfect opportunity” that may never come. I absolutely loved that job, the people I worked with, and the 9^th grade students. I will be forever grateful for that opportunity for so many reasons! If there is an opportunity knocking at your door that you know may lead to great things, open your eyes and grab it, even if there is a temporary downside that comes along with it.
 

Whatever you do, don't be the man who drowns...            

   
Lots of love,
BC

"Know that you are not waiting on Destiny but that Destiny is waiting on you."
-Tony Gaskins Jr.

Do You Know Your Own Truth?

We’ve all seen that poster with the cute little bumble bee that reads “Bee Yourself.” I know I’ve seen it hundreds of times and this is what it meant for me when I was younger: Don’t try to be like everyone else. That’s it… but today, I know that it means so much more than that.  

There are some people who manage to stay true to themselves their entire lives, not allowing anything get in the way of their happiness. However, there are also many people who get caught up in living a lie. Maybe they live to please others and ultimately forget their own passion. Maybe they live in fear of failure and criticism, and never even try to follow their dreams. Or maybe they know exactly who they are and what they want but choose to deny this truth and pretend to be something or someone different, in order to “fit in” and keep up with the Jones’. What does all of this eventually lead to? Unhappiness, of course… Why? Because they’ve been dishonest with themselves and have neglected their own truth. If we want to be happy and fulfill our purpose in life, which I’m sure most people do, we need to find out what our own truth is and LIVE it fully, no matter how much it changes or how crazy others think it is.

It's very easy for people to lose their sense of self, and ultimately "lose their way." From a young age, we are surrounded by people and things that teach us how we are "supposed" to live and act, what we are "supposed" to want and strive for... Society has expectations for us. Our families have even higher expectations for us. Over time, our minds may become cloudy and we forget our own truth. We then get caught up in living a life that others have created for us. If you are living your life based on what others expect from you, what they want for you, or what they think about you, you’re not being true to yourself. Those things are external. You must look within to find the truth. What excites you? What are you passionate about? What makes your heart smile?

We have to be real and true to ourselves, always. Our own truth (what we truly want, our passion, our dream) is not always going to be the same as those around us. For instance, if I would have given in to what society expected of me years ago, that would have meant me settling... Perhaps, I’d be married by now because that's what most of my friends were doing. I probably would have left college after receiving my bachelor’s degree and settled with a job I didn't like, because everyone was always nagging me about how long I’d been in school for. I would be unhappy right now... living a lie...living someone else's truth and not my own. How can we find out what our purpose in life is if we are lying to ourselves, denying our own truth, settling, pretending...?

I know that as long as I am doing what makes me happy and what I feel is right and true for me, I am fulfilling my purpose in life. I’m too hard-headed to allow anyone to put limitations on me; however, I am guilty of letting fear get the best of me at times. But once I remember that fear is mostly just in my imagination, it eventually subsides. I will continue to live my own truth each day. I will not settle just because society or my family or my own fears want me to, and I hope that you won’t either. :)

-BC

********
The first two quotes are what inspired me to write this post. I came across them this week and felt compelled to elaborate. Then after I'd finished the post, I coincidentally stumbled upon the last one from an eBook and just HAD to come back and add it.

"If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared - most of all - to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself....then the truth will not be withheld from you."

- Elizabeth Gilbert


“Only by its own roots does a tree stand tall and only by its own light does the sun shine brightly and bring life to our world. So it is with you – only when you’re trusting, loving and rooted in your true Self will the life that is your highest potential begin to manifest. Only when you are walking on the path of your highest potential will you ever be able to shine brightly and bring light to the darkness in others.”

- Anon


"Enough already with not following your heart and living the life that you deserve. Enough already with lying to yourself, denying who you are, and ignoring the screams of your soul. Enough already with being afraid. Enough already with looking outside for all the answers that can only be found within. Enough already with being anyone but yourself. Enough already for settling for less than you deserve. Enough already with not doing the things that make you happy..."

-Jen Saunders

Thoughts on Parenting

I do not consider myself an expert, and I have no children of my own, but on an average day at work, I come into contact with at least 500 students and work very closely with about 15 of them daily. I hear their experiences, I watch their interactions, and I learn more and more each day. And often times, like today, I find myself wanting to shout these things from the schools’ rooftop:

1. Always, always, always be clear and consistent with rules and consequences. Children have the tendency to pick up on the slightest bit of inconsistency. Many of them will use it to their advantage and manipulate you to get their way. I see it happen all the time. Although it may sometimes break your heart to have to follow through with consequences, consistency is key! I understand that this can be hard for divorced parents because one parent may be more lenient than the other, but this is not an excuse. Make sure your children understand that the rules and consequences with Mom may be different than those with Dad, with Grandma, at school, etc. I know parents who use a rules/consequences chart, which helps them with consistency. Hanging the chart on the wall or refrigerator will also serve as a visual reminder for children.
2. Be careful not to dismiss a child’s feelings. A lot of times we become uncomfortable when we see children upset, hurt, angry, etc. So in an attempt to hurry and “fix” their problem, we say things like, “Oh, it’s not that bad.” “Dry those tears.” “Don’t be upset about that.” “You’re too young to know what stress is.” When we do this, we teach them that their feelings are not okay- that their feelings are wrong. This can be very confusing for them and lead to all sorts of issues over time. Instead of dismissing their feelings, give them permission to genuinely feel however it is they are feeling and let them know that their feelings are okay. Remember, it’s not the emotion that is the problem, but the way we react to the emotion... Once they are allowed to express their emotions freely, they will be ready to learn the skills they need to cope with their emotions in a healthy manner.
3. Please, please, please don’t teach your children to fight back when another child is “bothering” them. Instead, take the time to teach them how to stand up for themselves without verbally or physically hurting others. In my experience, this is extremely difficult for parents to do, and I understand why. My biggest pet-peeve is bullying, and I know that if another child hurts your baby, you want that child to get what he/she deserves, but this does NOT teach them effective problem-solving skills. The skills you teach your children now are stored deep within their memory and are extremely difficult for them to unlearn later in life. These are the skills they will carry into adulthood. Think long-term.
4. Look in the mirror. Children learn how to behave by observing others, especially you. You are their biggest role-model. How they see you handle yourself in the midst of a problem or stressful situation, is the same way they will learn to react when they are confronted with a problem. Be aware of your actions (both positive and negative) and what they are teaching your children. Watch what you say and do...even when you THINK they aren’t listening or watching.
5. Have a conversation with your child every day, and really listen to what they say. Give them 100% of your positive, one-on-one attention. A lot of children lack the attention they need from adults; therefore out of desperation, they act out in order to get it. They would rather get negative attention from you than no attention at all. They need to feel important and accepted. Don’t talk TO them, talk WITH them. They want to be heard. Listen to what they say…their thoughts, feelings, and ideas. You may be surprised at what you learn.
6. Use a lot of positive reinforcement, especially for the more "challenging" children. Catch them being good and reinforce that good behavior by giving them a smile, a compliment, a reward, etc. These are some effective ways to encourage good behavior directly. As a child and teenager, I can remember several different times overhearing my mom on the phone saying some very positive things about me to whoever she was talking to. She had encouraged me without even knowing it. I would never let her know I heard, but those positive words always made me feel good and want to continue making her proud. Encouragement is very important and makes children (and even adults) want to succeed.

That's all for now. Happy parenting! :)
BC

Self-Control

Every morning I take a few minutes to eat a small breakfast before getting dressed for work, and this morning was no different. Later, I arrived to work and found out there were two boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts in the lounge. Had no one ever said anything or given me permission to have one, I would have never known they were there because I rarely go into the lounge before lunch time. But now I knew, and now I was tempted. I guess we all have pretty good self-control as long as we’re not tempted, right? So, what did I do? I gave in to the temptation, of course. That donut may have just been the most amazing donut I’ve ever eaten! I think I even said those exact words out loud when I finished it.

Then my self-control was really put to the test… I was given permission to have another! Uh-oh!!! I started bargaining with myself about calories…maybe I can skip lunch; I’ll work it all off at bootcamp later; what’s an extra 200 calories going to hurt? Then I stopped myself. No, Brittnie, you CANNOT have another one! It was hard, but I remembered what my goal was and I didn’t let temptation win again.

Temptations are only temporary. If we can allow ourselves to ignore them when they arise and choose to keep the end in mind instead (by remembering why we should not give in to the temptation), our self-control will prevail.

-BC

The Right Frame of Mind

I was driving home from the gym this evening, listening to the radio when suddenly this lousy (and untrue) thought entered my mind. That one thought led to others… "I probably won’t have this job next year; I probably won’t get the other job either because I don’t have enough experience; maybe so-and-so just don’t like me," and so on. A little later I realized that I was suddenly in a really grumpy mood, but didn't understand why or where it came from. I even started getting on my own nerves and was determined to figure out what it was that had upset me so much. I'd had a good day at work, no one had been rude to me or cut me off while driving home, so what in the world was going on? As I retraced my own thoughts, it finally dawned on me.... That one negative thought from earlier led to another negative thought, then another and BAM! Before I could even realize it, I had entered into a negative frame of mind. We're all guilty of it at times. Once I realized exactly what had happened (and that I was the one responsible for it happening), I was able to separate those crazy thoughts from reality and "step" back into the right frame of mind.

The mind is very powerful and can also be tricky at times… and because it directly influences our emotions, actions, and overall attitude, we need to check it often to make sure it’s in the right frame.

-BC

Gifted By Guidance...What's In A Name?

Guidance is a part of my everyday life. Although the term "guidance counselor" has recently been frowned upon in my profession, it still remains a huge part of what I do. Not only do I provide guidance to others, but I also allow others to “guide” me, both professionally and in my personal life. Some may think that guidance is only sought out by those who are struggling or facing difficulties in life...those who've become lost, or who have stepped off track and need help finding their way back, but this isn't the case. It is a source of encouragement, support, and inspiration for us all. And whether I am on the giving or receiving end of guidance, I always consider it to be a gift.

Let’s guide each other!


-BC