Accountability

Yesterday, I attended a workshop that focused primarily on the accountability of school counselors. Basically, we have to prove how effective we are, which involves reflecting on and evaluating ourselves often. I can’t even tell you how many times accountability has been discussed in classes, workshops and at conferences in the past, but for some reason I saw it from a totally different perspective yesterday.

If it is so important to have accountability in our professions (which it is for me, or else I could lose my job), shouldn’t it be just as important, if not more, to have accountability in our personal lives, too? In my opinion, our roles in personal relationships are far more important than any professional role will ever be. Yes, I’m a school counselor, but I’m also a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister, a friend, etc. So, I need to look at how I can integrate accountability into all of these roles, as well.


Am I being the best daughter that I can be? How can I be a better one? What are my goals as a daughter and what steps am I taking to meet these goals? Are they effective?

Am I being the best friend that I can be? What can I do to be a better friend?

…sister?

You get my point.

Something else we must be accountable for is taking care of ourselves. I'll call it the "caretaker of self" role. Sometimes, this is the role we most often neglect because we're so focused on our effectiveness in other roles; forgetting all about self-care. In reality, I cannot possibly be World's Best daughter, friend, or sister if I'm not taking care of ME, as well. (FYI: It is not selfish to take care of yourself!)

Am I taking care of myself the best I possibly can? How can I start treating myself better right now (mentally, physically, and emotionally)?

Evaluate your effectiveness in each of your roles. Answer these questions honestly. Are there some things you need to start holding yourself more accountable for? Are there some roles you need to improve in? Are you spending way too much time in your "parent" role, and not enough time in your "caretaker of self" role, or vice-versa? If so, make a conscious effort to find some balance. Take time to reflect on these things often. Set some goals and then take the steps needed to improve your effectiveness...

Hold yourself accountable!

BC

What Does A Bike Ride And Life Have In Common?

While riding my bike today, it occurred to me that riding a bike is kind of like life…

Just as I had to pedal harder when riding against the wind, we will have to put forth more effort and try harder when we are faced with resistance...

Just as I came across several bumps and potholes along the way, we will have many hurdles to cross over throughout our journey...

Just as I was “pushed” off the road several times by passing cars and was forced to ride through the rough grass (because there are no sidewalks in my subdivision), we will be knocked off of the smooth and familiar path from time to time and have to withstand the bumpy ride...

And just as I was chased down the road by a barking dog (I guess it didn’t like me singing), we will often times have to deal with mean, rude, and difficult people in life.

When I got on that bike several months ago for the first time in years, I struggled. I remember my legs burning as I pedaled, but over time my legs got stronger and it got easier. But even still, there are some days that are windier than others, making it harder to pedal. There are even days when, out of nowhere, I’m being chased by a barking dog. And like the challenges that can arise during a bike ride, the challenges we face in life may be painful and discouraging... but as long as we continue to push through the struggles, the resistance, and the road blocks, we will continue to grow stronger!

BC

"I Sent You 2 Boats, You Big Dummy!"

I watched The Pursuit of Happyness today for the first time. It’s such a great story and definitely a tear-jerker! One of the cutest parts in the movie is when the little boy tells his dad the story about the man who was drowning... A boat came to rescue the man but he said, “No, thank you. God will save me.” Then another boat came to help him, and the man refused again, “No, thank you. God will save me.” Then he drowned and went to heaven. He asked God, “Why didn’t you save me?” And God said, “I sent you two boats, you big dummy!”

I actually just recently read a similar version of that story, so I thought it was funny to hear it again in the movie. When we sit around waiting for things to happen for us, but refuse to put in any effort on our part (just like the man who was drowning), we miss out on the opportunities we’ve been waiting for. Stop wishing to be “rescued” or “saved” from something…whether it’s unemployment or being unhappy with your job, addiction, weight issues, or any other problem that you have some control over, stop waiting and start doing something about it!

There are some people who depend on fate and destiny way too much. They have the mentality that “if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.” Ummm, reality check- it doesn’t always work that way! The problem with this little cliché is that it is incomplete. It’s missing a very important part. This is how I think the phrase should read instead: “if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen because I will do everything I possibly can to make it happen!” Fate and destiny will not do their part in our lives until we do our own part first. Take responsibility for your life and your future. If the opportunity you’ve been waiting for is nowhere in sight, get out there and go find it!

On the other hand, we might see the opportunities that are right in front of us, but choose not to take them... I almost missed out on a great opportunity last year because, like the man in the story, I had blinders on and was too focused on getting that one great, picture-perfect opportunity. I was offered a temporary position at a freshman high school. For one, I wanted something permanent, not temporary. Secondly, I really didn’t care to work with 9^th graders. In my mind, I had always pictured graduating and finding the perfect job immediately. A temporary position wasn’t the route I wanted to take, but I knew I had to do something. Fortunately, I came to my senses and realized that I couldn’t wait around for that “perfect opportunity” that may never come. I absolutely loved that job, the people I worked with, and the 9^th grade students. I will be forever grateful for that opportunity for so many reasons! If there is an opportunity knocking at your door that you know may lead to great things, open your eyes and grab it, even if there is a temporary downside that comes along with it.
 

Whatever you do, don't be the man who drowns...            

   
Lots of love,
BC

"Know that you are not waiting on Destiny but that Destiny is waiting on you."
-Tony Gaskins Jr.

Do You Know Your Own Truth?

We’ve all seen that poster with the cute little bumble bee that reads “Bee Yourself.” I know I’ve seen it hundreds of times and this is what it meant for me when I was younger: Don’t try to be like everyone else. That’s it… but today, I know that it means so much more than that.  

There are some people who manage to stay true to themselves their entire lives, not allowing anything get in the way of their happiness. However, there are also many people who get caught up in living a lie. Maybe they live to please others and ultimately forget their own passion. Maybe they live in fear of failure and criticism, and never even try to follow their dreams. Or maybe they know exactly who they are and what they want but choose to deny this truth and pretend to be something or someone different, in order to “fit in” and keep up with the Jones’. What does all of this eventually lead to? Unhappiness, of course… Why? Because they’ve been dishonest with themselves and have neglected their own truth. If we want to be happy and fulfill our purpose in life, which I’m sure most people do, we need to find out what our own truth is and LIVE it fully, no matter how much it changes or how crazy others think it is.

It's very easy for people to lose their sense of self, and ultimately "lose their way." From a young age, we are surrounded by people and things that teach us how we are "supposed" to live and act, what we are "supposed" to want and strive for... Society has expectations for us. Our families have even higher expectations for us. Over time, our minds may become cloudy and we forget our own truth. We then get caught up in living a life that others have created for us. If you are living your life based on what others expect from you, what they want for you, or what they think about you, you’re not being true to yourself. Those things are external. You must look within to find the truth. What excites you? What are you passionate about? What makes your heart smile?

We have to be real and true to ourselves, always. Our own truth (what we truly want, our passion, our dream) is not always going to be the same as those around us. For instance, if I would have given in to what society expected of me years ago, that would have meant me settling... Perhaps, I’d be married by now because that's what most of my friends were doing. I probably would have left college after receiving my bachelor’s degree and settled with a job I didn't like, because everyone was always nagging me about how long I’d been in school for. I would be unhappy right now... living a lie...living someone else's truth and not my own. How can we find out what our purpose in life is if we are lying to ourselves, denying our own truth, settling, pretending...?

I know that as long as I am doing what makes me happy and what I feel is right and true for me, I am fulfilling my purpose in life. I’m too hard-headed to allow anyone to put limitations on me; however, I am guilty of letting fear get the best of me at times. But once I remember that fear is mostly just in my imagination, it eventually subsides. I will continue to live my own truth each day. I will not settle just because society or my family or my own fears want me to, and I hope that you won’t either. :)

-BC

********
The first two quotes are what inspired me to write this post. I came across them this week and felt compelled to elaborate. Then after I'd finished the post, I coincidentally stumbled upon the last one from an eBook and just HAD to come back and add it.

"If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared - most of all - to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself....then the truth will not be withheld from you."

- Elizabeth Gilbert


“Only by its own roots does a tree stand tall and only by its own light does the sun shine brightly and bring life to our world. So it is with you – only when you’re trusting, loving and rooted in your true Self will the life that is your highest potential begin to manifest. Only when you are walking on the path of your highest potential will you ever be able to shine brightly and bring light to the darkness in others.”

- Anon


"Enough already with not following your heart and living the life that you deserve. Enough already with lying to yourself, denying who you are, and ignoring the screams of your soul. Enough already with being afraid. Enough already with looking outside for all the answers that can only be found within. Enough already with being anyone but yourself. Enough already for settling for less than you deserve. Enough already with not doing the things that make you happy..."

-Jen Saunders